I have a new blog.

2008-07-25T12:18:00.001-06:00

NEW BLOG!

laskuh.wordpress.com

Say bye bye to this one.

Once upon a time

2008-07-18T20:06:00.006-06:00

Good news everyone.

No, really. I mean it.

Once upon a time there lived a Kylee.

Here she is drinking elmo juice and having issues taking a poo.

Well she worked for a company.
And there was this boy.
Who was obviously very sad that mother was gone all the time.
So Kylee told her company NO MORE.
And walked out the door and then BAM
just like that they offered her a part time position from HOME.

SWEET.

And they all live happily ever after.

What to do?

2008-07-16T08:12:00.003-06:00

My boss informed me that "things will be changing for the account management team."

I'll be needing to work later hours, and they will no longer allow any time off unless it is set in advance using my paid time off. Or it might affect advancement or employment.
I have already given my all to be with this company. I came into it thinking I could be making at least 13 an hour and that I could have an early or 36 hour a week schedule.
I stayed, even when they couldn't make anything work for me. I had to deal with the lower wage and settle for hours that they had already.
They said they were flexible and always willing to work around family.
I have yet to see it.
It might be just today, and my fatigue, but I hate call centers and I don't belong here anymore.
I want to do something hands on. What I have liked about my previous jobs are the hands on parts. This one is all talk. Even though each phone call only takes around 5 minutes, it is a waste of my time. My creativity is getting dusty. My son is being watched by someone else. I am using up gas, money, a huge chunk of my time, for this.
If I am not careful, I will overlook it all and realize I am working in a nightmare.

If I could make money doing these things, my life would be at its highest:

-Spokesperson for a huge Tech Blog
-Dance Instructing
-Publishing Children's Books
-Fashion&textiles Design
-A job that involves typing ONLY
-An Editor/Magazine owner
-Health and Wellness Coach
-Physical Therapy Assistant
-Something cool on etsy.com that gets big

These are things I am capable of doing, after a bit of practice, research and putting myself out there. Only problem is money is not high for a lot of these. Unless I am one of those "lucky" success stories.

I dunno, any ideas, anyone?
Sometimes I hate being the creative type.
It is really hard for us in the working world.
I just want to be doing what I love, and not for pennies.

The Quarantine

2008-07-15T07:31:00.002-06:00

When I first started working here, I noticed everyone was calling a certain desk the Quarantine. Broken pieces of who knows what lay across it. Dust piled up in little mini-mountains.
I laughed at what they had to say about it on a daily basis. If I would have known it was my future cubicle, I might have covered my ears and derived my attention. Naivety is a good thing.

The day they were hooking up my computer, they went under the desk to plug it in, and came back out with handfuls of garbage. A boy next to my cubicle pointed and laughed, saying, "Poo flakes!" I didn't get it either. I still found it painful.

Over time, I learned the real reason it was called "The Quarantine" is because everyone that gets hired on and assigned to the desk does not last more than a month.
Not only that, but these people have all been mysteriously killed in automobile accidents.
They are linked, each one involving a motorcycle, a semi and a llama.

Alright. So I lied about everyone dying and getting into crashes.
But wouldn't that be so AWESOME?
I'm going to hell.

I Got Owned.

2008-07-10T16:14:00.001-06:00

I didn't eat the cake.
I ate 3 cookies.

Yesterday AND today.

If I try such an act ever again, do me a favor and remind me that I am not the cookie lover I once thought I was.
Blehpf.

Brain=Sunny Side Up

2008-07-09T08:46:00.002-06:00

Translation: Brain is fried.
I am dysfunctional this week.
I need to be making phone calls off of my 40+ sheets of paper.
I estimate each page has around 14 offices.
That's 40x14= roughly 560 phone calls.
If I make 10 a day...
It will take me 3 months.
Progress people, PROGRESS, it is a grand thing.

I skipped breakfast today, in a hurry.
I feel so hungry that I could be that child sitting on the nice man's lap who is saying "For just 20 cents a day...you can SAVE this starving child..."
Also, I get 2 dollars to spend on lunch today, and there is a chocolate cake on the menu here that is just that price.
I am hoping to have some control over myself in this matter.
So far, I feel the best way to keep me from devouring the moist item is to simply eat the 2 dollars in my pocket.
Pretty sure they are low cal, no?

2008-07-08T07:31:00.002-06:00

Notice:

All blog entries will be deleted shortly.
I am upgrading this blog from "Let's watch kylee type about nothing forever and ever"
to "All Things Awesome"
Basically shorter and sweeter posts.

I might change my mind.
But I am guessing not.
I am trying to teach myself to get on with the point in what I want to say.
I use too much "fluff."

Represent.

2008-06-26T08:52:00.005-06:00

(This post was made last week but I wanted to publish it anyways.)
(Vegas pictures coming soon...)

@ work.
All I can think about: Vegas, vegas, VEGAS.

Soon I will be skipping and holding hands while kissing Dennis.
We will be stuffing our faces and getting fat.
Oh, the buffets!
I have lost an inch this month.
That means I can gain an inch this week and no one will ever notice.
[Best plan eva.]

Yesterday.
I was with Alison and Jeni, my crazy besties I grew up with.
I had to bring Kai who was destroying the world pretty much the whole time.

Us 3 were so messy and always into trouble as kids.
Examples:
-someone left behind a chew container on our camp, we had a burying ritual and had to shake our heads when they came back looking for it.
-jumping in ponds, going back to camp, our parents asking "why are you wet?" "huh? oh, I dunno..."
-marker fights
-going to church the next day with marker stains all over
-pen fights [owww]
-four wheelers stuck in mud
-3 showers just to get sandies from the dunes out of our hair
-silly string fights
-spilling sacrament water
-making cookies with mt. dew, salsa, you name it
-balloon fights
-snake hunting
-chasing chickens in a coop
-sign language we made up for every bodily function
-ALWAYS creaming whoever fell asleep first
-catching crawdads and flipping them back in...(crawdad olympics!)
-teasing washed up jellyfish
-the dump we came across on a four wheel drive, bringing back small stuff to be funny, Jeni's brother coming back with a broken bike pulling a wagon of items behind.
-spitting at carp in lake powell and watching them eat it
-throwing rocks at someone's boat and them yelling at us

And this was just the beginning.
Here is to our messy days that I got away with as a child.

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! (Did I get it this time?)

2008-06-20T07:01:00.005-06:00

Answer all that apply:

a) I completely misquoted Professor on my last post.
b) Alison hates me because I am black.
c) I just farted in my cubicle. This would be a great time for people to NOT walk by.

Did I mention that I don't like Kai's daycare, at all? I am so nervous that he will be going there a second time today. I am miserable about it. The last time I dropped him off, I wasn't even being picky or trying to find something wrong. I just did, and that is the worst part.

First off, the building is gated off in every direction, which is for safety reasons, but it honestly feels like an f-ing prison.

It's cluttered. And those who know me know I don't do clutter.

The baby room is dark and all the babies in there were just staring off into space. The lady was just standing randomly in the room while one baby was laying on the floor, one was on a swing, and a little girl was sitting in a chair looking like she might kill over of boredom. My thought was to turn around and run away, screaming "You're the DEVIL!"

...But I didn't.

Or I might have for two seconds, but was so quick she never saw me move.

I left him there. I watched him stare at the lady with incredible fear. He really was scared and Kai is not like that. I walked away with a terrible feeling in my gut that didn't leave all day.

We are paying mucho monies for it too. I think we are crazy.

I awoke this morning with an incredible idea. I think I am going to make a blog just for kai. Just update it for him and then at the end of the year, make it all into a book about his first year. It would be the cutest keepsake, way awesomer than a simple scrapbook or journal. This is like, so totally both.
I can't decide if I should delete this one and use it. It is just my ramblings on here but I like it.

OR maybe a family blog?
Holy Moley so many ideas!

Comments, questions, ideas????

Well I better go answer the phones now. Oh wait, I haven't received a call yet and I have been here an hour. Tee hee. Wee wah.
Chicka chicka yeah.

Good News!

2008-06-16T21:12:00.003-06:00

Ok so there isn't really good news.
It is just something Professor always says on the beginning of Futurama.
But there isn't bad news either, so how 'bout that.

Life sure has its ups and downs, doesn't it?

Things are going pretty good lately. Yes I did rant on my last visit.
I rant from time to time.
P.S. I am human.

My new job is going good, I think. I have been sitting and sitting.
For the past week and a day. I think I am finally going on the phones tomorrow.
That would be sweet. I'll have a panic attack for the first few calls but then I am sure to get the hang of it.

I have a desk.
It is known as "The Quarantine."
It is because of the spazzy light that flickers above it.
If I pass you on the street and one eye is twitching terribly and I seem a bit off balance...you will know why.

Kai's crying never ends these days.
It is really getting to me. I get home from work so pumped and excited to be with him.
And then, oh gosh, the noise. He is in the other room screaming. Dennis and I have done everything to help him. He doesn't sound frantic, just demanding.
Love him so.

There was a near fatal incident at our house today. Dennis was holding Kai and walking down the stairs. I turn my back and heard Dennis yell, "Whoa, Ahhh, Owww..." followed by a loud thump thump crash. I run to the stairs, wailing (I have never HEARD my voice so loud and freaked out, it was like I was singing opera while running from the Big Bad Wolf) and yes, I did find Dennis in a crumpled heap on the stairs, BUT Kai was still in his arms and looked alive. (That was all I was praying for at the moment.)
Kai broke out in tears. He wouldn't look at Dennis.
I broke out in tears. I was shaking intensely and holding Kai tightly.
Dennis was hugging both of us while massaging his massively bruised bum cheek.

This concludes my day.
Kai has finally winded down.
I am printing an awesome picture that will most likely go in our downstairs bathroom.
It is one that Dennis took in the canyon.

I know I am not black enough to say this, but I want to say it anyways...
Love peace and chicken grease.

39034165656500099999

2008-06-11T18:29:00.003-06:00

What do you do if you are so incredibly awesome but your husband doesn't see it?

Mine wouldn't poop on me if I was poking out of the toilet.
Don't look into that meaning, it was a ramble.
Oh, move on already...

Let me start out by saying I am a twenty year old mom. I think that is enough for high recognition. Did I mention also that I have been trying my hardest to cook and clean and do laundry? (Yes, there were a few weekends where we were lazy and things didn't get done. I'm glad. We were having too much fun.)

Did I mention I got a job...
A JOB?
A JOB. A FULL TIME JOB.
A FULL TIME JOB?
YES!!! A FULL TIME JOB.

...because he said I was lazy...
Yes, leehh-zee.
Totally me, right.
Right.

Let me also tell you, listen it is VERY VITAL:

Have kids when you are retired.
Just do it.
I'm warning you, child care will RAPE YOU. AND YOUR DOG!
And your mom.
And her mom.
And dogs and moms should never be messed with.

I have been chugging along to work anyways, to make him happy.
I see my son 3 to 4 hours a day.
It's not like I love him or anything, so don't even worry.

I like money.
Families? Forever? Nah...
How about a new ipod that I will use for two months...get sick of and let scratch around inside my glove box. I need the latest computer so that when ten years go by and I still have it because I am still paying it off, those other richies will make fun of me and my ghetto ways.
Cute little baby hugs?
I pry them off with sticks!

Hmmmm.

I guess what bothers me, is the fact that childcare is so expensive that my pay will be the equivalent to around 4.00 an hour.
I am NOT a quitter. I'm looking for every which way I can.

And yes, Dennis says he is proud that I am on my "career path."
"Career path" more important than "baby son Kai."

What reaaallllllyyy bothers me, is that today I said, "I am working full time now, you need to be more appreciative of me." And he said, "Ya, and making a whole 4.00 an hour, good job."

No I didn't break down in tears at all.

I love doing what my husband wants and being stepped on for it.

I am realizing now it isn't me, it is him.
If he was standing on dirt he would say, "DIRT. You should get a real job. Be grass."
Then he would run into Grass and say, "Grass, you have a somewhat decent job. You should learn PHP and apply for a web designer. Then you would be cool."
"He would turn to Dirt and say, "Grass will never make it in the web design world."

Totally.
I am having a blast at my job.
I am doing everything freaking he wants.

If you are reading this, I suggest putting up an ad for the exact wife you are looking for (Match.com MUST have gotten our profiles mixed up) and I will just go along and sit in the grass and dirt with my baby boy and watch the clouds go by.

APPRECIATE ME!
Words hurt, babe.

Would you rather be attacked by an elephant or have baby drool all over your face?

2008-06-02T19:21:00.010-06:00

I'll take a stab in the dark here and guess that you have never been asked this question. I thought back, past my marriage life, clear down to the day Byron Gurney threw up at the fire station in 2nd grade, and then even further, and realized, nope I have yet to hear that one as well. Dear friend, you are not alone.

I am asking because of what I witnessed this morning. Kai is wrestling around with Mr. Elephant, grunting and throwing the poor lad all about. I turn around to finish my application, and when I look back, he's asleep.

My first thought was, poor Kai, the elephant wore him out. As I looked where Kai laid his head, I found a pile of baby slobber and drool piled nicely on Mr. Elephant. Who won here? You tell me.

Yes I did say the word application. I am job hunting again.
But 8 hours daily of Kai in daycare, Kylee are you nuts??!!!
Nope.
It will be nice to get out. I hope to meet people. That would be cute.
I also enjoy shopping just like, well, everyone.
Skills, socialization, money, change of scenery.
What's to lose?
Here is to hoping I don't fall off the deep end in a crummy job.
And that I can do the durn thing without missing baby TOO badly.

I would rather be attacked by an elephant, now that I think about it.
Baby drool is old news.

GottaBoogi OnMaFinger & I CantShakeItOff

2008-05-21T20:22:00.005-06:00

Don't ask, all you need to know is it was a song that my dear friends Jeni and Alison used to sing many many moons ago on our many many camping trips.

Good times to be had with the Carter and Jones fam. I spent 75% of my childhood with these guys. Game nights, camping, vacations, and the likes.

A part of me misses it dearly.
Why I am reminded of these days is because of the following:

I read Alison's blog.
She posted this.
I can't believe my eyeballs.

Look at Alison and I CRUSH THAT DIRT!
Why yes, I am wearing a Buster Bunny T-shirt!
You are jealous.

Ahhhh.
Summer is making me want to camp and have crazy mad fun.

KAI!

2008-05-08T10:40:00.006-06:00

Some pics I have taken of Kai. Enjoy.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous...
it is to decide forever to have your heart
walking outside your body.

Love.

Skit Skat Skaddley Wack!!!

2008-04-25T15:27:00.005-06:00

Shalom.

Is Heaven kind of a big deal for you, like it is for me? Well, lucky you, they are taking reservations! Go here to register before the gates are closed!
Or would you rather take my advice and GO TO HELL?!
I plan on making my shoulder angels duel to the death over it. Then I'll decide where to sign my name. True that.

Today is my sis in law's (Katelyn Carole Green to be exact) graduation. Purdy neat.
Really neat actually. I was ready to cry the whole time. Don't ask me why, I think it was the piano music. K, I'm weird.

It's Sadie's birthday. Happy Birthday...

It's also time I caught up on more blogs.
I will add pictures to mine. (Hold your horses Mitzi! I have a mass collection of Kai just waiting to be surfaced...) Unfortunately they are all on my hard drive in a storage shed in Lehi. One thumb down to that.
And who thought of "hold your horses"? Seriously...

Survivor

2008-04-17T17:26:00.003-06:00

(Raises arms in the air)
I'm here. I'm alive.

Yes I am Still living luxuriously at the In Laws...at first I really liked it because I learned a lot from my mother in law. We would just talk about life and what not and all the sudden things started clicking for me. I wasn't happy with the way things were at that point and time so I'm glad I got a few "clickers" from her. She hasn't a clue that she did but that's okay.
Now I am ready to blast off out of here and into our new house.
Endless episodes of HGTV has gotten me PUMPED to fancy it up.
Plus, I have SO very much to look forward to there.

Love.

My 100

2008-03-13T13:00:00.005-06:00

I have seen a couple blogs with this on it. It won't be easy coming up with 100 things about myself but I'll give it a whirl.

1. I love photography.

2. I am a born writer. I started telling stories when I learned to talk, and I never stopped writing them when I learned to spell. I got awards every year in elementary school. In 4th through 6th grade, they had a short story contest where a winner was chosen from every class and sent to a conference at BYU. Teachers were supposed to pick someone new each year. Well, I got to go two years in a row. My teachers loved mine too much to pick someone else.

3. I got a $300 scholarship check for writing an essay. The only scholarship I applied for. You don't know how many times I've kicked myself over not applying for more.

4. I love books. Roald Dahl is my favorite.

5. I will pulverize you in Guitar Hero.

6. And Tetris.

7. I love being a mother.

8. One of my dreams is to design clothes for Jared Gold. I love his concept and I own some of his clothing, I just think a lot of his items are hideous and I could do him good.

9. I am twenty years old. Already married with a baby. Ya, I know.

10. I love to dance.

11. My new fashion is cycling class.

12. Sometimes I forget I was pregnant only 3 months ago.

13. Sometimes I still feel like I am.

14. I hold nostalgia dear.

15. Concerts were my life, I miss them.

16. I wear mocassins. I've had the same pair for years. They are stained dark and completely worn out. I would wear them to bed if I could.

17. I like to type. If my fingers could laugh, I think they would as I type so fast.

18. I itch my nose like 105,344 times a day. On average.

19. I'm growing my hair out. I'm already hating it.

20. I used to pull my hair up into a flo hawk. My guy friends adored it. My girlfriends thought I was weird.

21. I like anything Batman.

22. Summer is too beautiful. I would hate winter if Christmas wasn't in the middle of it.

23. One of my favorite days of my life was the day I first hung out with my husband.

24. My favorite movie is Hot Rod.

25. My second favorite is probably Bewitched.

26. I collect Wizard of Oz paraphernalia.

27. It started when I watched the movie and told everyone to call me Dorothy and carried a stuffed dog.

28. I like ghost towns. Eureka, Ophir, Mercur. If you told me you were taking me to one I'd probably pee my pants.

29. I love the rain. It enhances music to an incredible extent.

30. I am passionate about music. My dad is well rounded and my brother and I gathered our own love from him.

31. My dad has been playing folk music on Sundays for as long as I remember. That's one thing I miss now that I'm married and away.

32. Andrew Mcmahon sings my heart.

33. Thanks to my husband, I was able to meet a lot of bands and talented artists I look up to. My favorite has been MuteMath and Moneen.

34. I once heard someone say, "Nobody listens to Minus the Bear seriously." Well, I do.

35. I go from wearing a lot of makeup to not wearing any. Trying to find a medium.

36. I have intense dreams. Most involve me driving a car into a waterhole and dying. Its always scary.

37. I wear sweatbands and headbands and large glasses on occasion.

38. I am paranoid of everything. I am no longer in a home with the priesthood. It's a different feeling. I don't like it.

39. I'm sure I'm the first to say, I don't like the "Twilight" series. The first one had a good story, but her wording bothers me. I couldn't get into the second one and my interest died. Though I do look up to Stephanie Meyer.

40. I've never done drugs or drank alcohol. I find them repulsive.

41. I love Walt Disney. His movies make any bad day turn good.

42. I have seen every Futurama episode. Best show ever made.

43. I love nature. Sharks, dinosaurs, etc.

44. I think about the day I had my baby and smile. I'm proud. Women are amazing.

45. My favorite restaurants don't exist in Utah. Try: Hula's (Chico, California) Ernie Tomato's, Senior Frog's, any escamocha stand, (Mazatlan, Mexico) BubbaGump's (San Francisco, California)

46. One day I will be rich enough to fly out and eat at these places whenever. For now I enjoy Buca Di Beppo, Osaka, The Little Acorn and occasionally Cafe Rio.

47. I never understood why people pick favorite colors. But mine is green.

48. I am tall, but next to my husband I am a midget.

49. I enjoy shopping.

50. Ross, Target, and the mall is where I get my clothes.

51. I can play piano.

52. I have to carry a notebook with me. I write tasks, goals, and sometimes stories. It's a necessity.

53. I want a Lexus.

54. I think Family Guy is so offensive its hilarious. Don't hate me.

55. For awhile I lost my friends, but I have most of them back.

56. I want a Vespa. I saved money up for one in high school but I bought my Lebaron instead. The funny thing was there was hardly a price difference.

57. I am blind without my glasses. I want lasik.

58. I'm always staring out the window and dreaming. Like right now.

59. I have a favorite spot in Lehi. It's on a hill.

60. I'm an emotional wreck on the outside. But my heart is as strong as a diamond.

61. I was once told by a stranger that my smile could captivate a person for hours.

62. I laugh a lot. Too much perhaps.

63. Speaking of strangers, when I was little (blondest, whitest girl ever) I went to Mexico and this mexican lady ran up to me and kissed me all over my cheeks.

64. My baby loves to pull my hair out and tug my draw strings.

65. I like chocolate.

66. I hate starbursts and skittles.

67. I hate country music. I grew up in Lehi where everyone listened to it but I never caught on.

68. I don't like rap. I did catch on to a few songs, being a dancer.

69. I'm not a cook. I never had the chance. I figured I would learn in college but ended up getting married before that. I am amazing at cookies though.

70. I eat like a kid. PB&J, scrambled eggs, or mac&cheese is how I do.

71. I am always thirsty.

72. I have blue eyes.

73. I had anxiety as a child, I think years of not doing anything about it have caused other mental problems. Nothing has been diagnosed.

74. I get cold easily. It was nice being pregnant, I was always warm.

75. I love t-shirts and jeans.

76. I sport the woman stereotype by owning a plethora of shoes.

77. I love art.

78. Portraits are my favorite.

79. I have skinny fingers. They were short and fat all my life and all the sudden shrunk.

80. I am a leftie, southpaw, whatever.

81. After years of not being in dance, I can still do a mean headstand.

82. I did the splits when I was 8 months pregnant.

83. I'm sarcastic. :)

84. I have no feelings for American Idol.

85. I love a good listener.

86. Heaven to me is reading a book with a blanket and a fireplace.

87. I hate big noisy trucks.

88. Camry drivers piss me off.

89. I will never find myself in a mini van unless I have a hat and dark glasses.

90. I have been in 6 car wrecks.

91. My middle name is after my great grandpa Erin.

92. I have had the same e-mail address for like 7 years.

93. No one believes that I listen to hard music by looking at me, but I do.

94. I have to turn every light off when I leave the room, even if I will be right back. I'm always messing with the lights.

95. I rip up cardboard boxes so they fit better in the trash can.

96. For these two things above, I blame my dad.

97. My friends growing up were always jealous of me because of my amazing mother. She is incredibly supportive and hilarious to be around.

98. My dad is the wittiest person in the world.

99. I love being right smack dab in the middle of my brother and sister.

100. And that was actually harder than I thought. But I'm done.

Life

2008-03-05T14:22:00.005-07:00

Ya know how a fly lands on your arm and at first it feels good, but then you look down and realize what it is and your immediate thought is that you want to flick it off?
Well that is how life is. :)

Something is going great and then I realize that it is actually very far from it.
Oh life, you are a tease.

We had a house getting built, Dennis had a job he loved, we thought we were settling ourselves in my hometown.

Before we could blink, we are shopping for another place to live, a new job for Dennis, and a lawyer that specializes in wrongful termination.
The landlord also posted a sign on our lawn that fell over and scratched the side of our Mazda. Beauty.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern WASN'T having its premiere last night like we thought.

Life you are so cruel.

Who knows where we will end up and what will happen.
If I don't post for awhile, it's probably because we are living somewhere temporary and so small that we aren't even bothering to hook up our computers.

Things I'm thankful for in 60 seconds

2008-02-20T21:26:00.005-07:00

Kai sleeps through the night
We bought our first home in Lehi
I found some ideas for my book
I feel creative
Krista is talking to me again
Holly got her new job
I read 6 books today
I am in love with Kai
Life is beautiful
I feel beautiful
I can't wait to be a famous author (IT WILL HAPPEN)
Staying home is actually really great
popsicles rule
and so do little feet slippers.

My View of Motherhood. Or so I thought.

2008-02-15T13:18:00.005-07:00

Two lines appeared on a day that changed my life.

The body that framed my soul like a fresh painting was loosed from my hands.
Consequence snatched me by my ankle and flipped me upside down, shaking what was left out of my pockets.

It was easy coming out of my mouth, when it wasn't about me, when the fingers were flipped in the other direction, along with staring eyes. I never thought I would be next on the hot seat. "Things" happened to everyone else. My life was my life, and nothing could change it.

Those two bold stripes couldn't wait to prove me wrong.

The day came to cause shipwreck. I wasn't in a financial, mental, or physical state to do what my body was planning on doing. I could deny it all I wanted. There was a baby factory settling its grand opening inside my stomach and it refused to budge.

My mind was pleading, "Close up shop, take a 5 year break and then you guys are more than welcome to come back...PLEASE." The little baby makers shrugged their shoulders and said, "Sorry, we just do what boss says."

And that's how it all started, my friends.

Insanity?

2008-01-30T21:49:00.002-07:00

One blink and I'm feeble, debilitated, a weakling.
Two blinks and I am powerful and steadfast.
What.Is.Wrong.With.Me.

An unpronounced disturbance lives throughout my skin. Something sticks to my insides and nudges me constantly. What is this veil of dreariness, why does it exist, why does it keep me from sleep? Joyful as my friendships dry, glowing as I am numbed to self worth and shun my desire to love others. Why does it mock me?

Sweet sorrowful little wagon of mine. I go along my merry way and turn around to find I've brought my trunk of tears. It never leaves my side.

Today I asked myself, "Why do I feel this way? What is eating at me so badly that I cannot even feel what love is?" I don't have an answer and I just don't understand why.

I don't know what it is like to love me, to allow myself to dream, to shake my own hand and recognize my accomplishments and live up to standards and expectations I have confidently set.

I have a loss of control. I let everyone else make my decisions. I am a blank wall.

Maybe it would be easier if I would just come to accept it. Maybe I'll understand better these outbreaks and why I derive from myself and my happiness and get slapped in the dirt a few times before I get back up.

Huh.

All I know is I am nowhere near my true identity.

I won't say I regret a thing, because that little boy is my life. I have never loved anything so much, never seen anything more precious and beautiful. Never felt so passionate and emotional. He is part of me. He is all of me.

Even a small step forward is a million times worth it. So I'll live.
I just have to get used to my unstable moods. Too often they take the reigns.

The Wife

2008-01-09T16:12:00.004-07:00

Here is a lame fear of mine. If you haven't already heard it, brace yourself. My mind can some days make me go crazy.

THE WIFE CONSPIRACY...dun dun dun

I rarely get ready for the day.
I'm partly fat.
I never get sleep.
My life is devoted to diaper duty.

So my fear is this. I don't want to turn into THE WIFE. The lady that cleans and cooks and cares for the kids and never stops. The husband comes home and goes straight to the computer or T.V. and the worst part of all, there are OTHER women that become the eye candy. They are the ones who are supposed to wear makeup and look beautiful and be on the media or behind the reception desk.

When man separates the wife and the attraction it is a scary thing. So I suppose.
Barf. It freaks me out.

Shhhh

2007-12-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

so I had my baby.
but
he is sleeping and I need breakfast.
g2g4 nowww

[I love that he is in my life.]

Rise & Fall of [Winston A.K.A. Edison Glass]

2007-12-04T12:32:00.003-07:00

After two trips to Petco and much teetering of thought, Winston was adopted at last.
He was the happiest kitty in all of Draper at his new home filled with toys and a mommy and daddy and a whole bathroom to himself.
Daddy, very unfortunately, could not control his allergies.
Winston was sent back to his cage at PetCo the very next day.
Mommy, who was not even caring about Winston in the first place, suddenly realized how attached she had become, and bawled her eyes out.
Winston was purring and tucked neatly inside of her coat and then the store lady took him away.
She is still wailing to this day over Dear Winston.

And that is the story of our 24 hour kitty.

Hello Today.

2007-12-04T12:12:00.001-07:00

My feet are balloons.
I weigh a whole Kylee, a fully developed baby, and a little extra too.
I'm so done. Please chop me in half.

Wild, Wonderful, Wacky Wednesday

2007-11-21T15:42:00.002-07:00

It's turkey week. No work, food and Black FRIDAY.

We had a Thanksgiving Luncheon at my work at the PSNet HQ.
It came an hour late. It was cold so we had to microwave all of it.
Floyd, the sweet little handicap, came to dine with us.
He and I watched KISS videos on Youtube. He knew it all by heart.
He then wanted to see some Osmonds. Loved this one. The ending is GREAT.

My boss invited a few friends as well. One was Michelle and her 5 year old quintuplets. They are the cutest. &the most destructive. &how they were blessed with both traits I'll never know.

It was dinner and a movie. We ate and they ran around the office and pulverized each other. One would throw the other down and punch and then the other two would be strangling their necks and spinning around. One rammed right into the glass door and toppled over.
A vase broke and that's when mom called it quits.

S now, my phone keeps going off but no one is on the other end. I'm watching the switch board and everybody's lights are going off. Pretty sure there is a pranking war going on. I answer one call..."HELLO THIS IS CHAD." Hang up. No answer, no answer, then Steve in his office. Steve on a different phone two seconds later. Jen on a phone. Audrey on a phone. My switchboard looks like flashing Christmas lights.

Does this mean I can go home?

More Pictures

2007-10-22T13:55:00.001-06:00

My advice: when it's midnight and you have your husband, two cameras, two monopods, caffeine, and a car with a sunroof, you better live it up.

sunroof.

capital.

forever. someday.

And this one is my sister Sadie. Or Should I say Shaneequa.
She sings as good as a black woman, so I decided to turn her into one. :)

<3 My Camera!

2007-10-22T13:20:00.002-06:00

I love my new camera.

I want to start a photo journal by taking one picture a day. One day I will.

Fernanda's birthday is Saturday. It has been awhile since I have been around people other than family. (If that isn't pathetic sounding!) I'm nervous. We are eating and taking pictures. Fernanda knows the way to my heart! Haha.

Floyd visited the office today. He is handicapped but adorable.
He visits at the worst times, like right when I am leaving.
I was in a rotten mood.
He walked in: HI, WHEN IS THE CHAQUITA COMING OUT?
Me: Huh?
Him: THE BABY, WHEN IS THE BABY DUE?
It made me laugh really hard. Oh, Floyd.

Drivers

2007-09-28T08:35:00.000-06:00

There are certain vehicles in this world I hate. I would pay the owner oodles of money just so I could SMASH them to pieces and sacrifice them to the junkyard Gods.

Big ugly trucks. The kind people put more into lifting and making LOUD than what they bought the piece of junk for.
The trucks that you hear roaring up your street at 2 A.M. The ones that blow a mucky cloud of exhaust in your face at the stoplight. The ones that cut you off on the freeway and never halt at stop signs. You know what I am talking about.

Then there are mini vans. If you are from Utah County or unfortunately have had to pass through it at some point in your life, you will know what I mean. Mini van drivers look confused. It's like they don't know what they are doing, and often stop in the middle of the road to think about it. They never hit over 50 mph, and their favorite lane is the fast lane. They don't look before they switch lanes. And they always park crooked at Wal-Mart. Stick to the North side of Utah, where there are less mini vans, and instead of brain dead soccer moms, they are full of Mexicans who know how to drive.

However, nothing compares to the Antichrist I encountered this morning on my way to work. The dunce automobile. The car that inspired the first driver to flip the bird. The car that continues to keeps such a tradition alive today.

The Toyota Camry.

Drivers of the Camry are majority of the time a white male in a business suit on a cell phone. They are a dominant driver who will run you over for no apparent reason, and who will blatantly honk when he runs a red light and almost drills you. He is the superior driver who doesn't need to obey signs and can screw everyone else all he wants.

But...the Camry's I hate most are the inferior drivers.
Allow me to share with you my story of this morning.

My morning drives are very peaceful. I have the radio on softly, sunroof open, windows slightly down and I am focused. I follow a beautiful drive down the mountain, and then enter the freeway.
My joy ride was interrupted today as I got on to merge. The car in front of me was going 20 on the ramp, and when he saw that the two lanes were merging, he:

Blinkered Right. (He was already the furthest right)
PULLED OVER about a foot
slowed down immensely
and waited for them to pass.

There was an endless string of cars merging through and passing us both now, and it was obvious that there were going to be no blank spaces for him to squeeze back in. I started panicking and honking the horn at this gigantic moron of a person and was about to pass him when he began to speed up again and MERGE with the rest of the cars, like he should have the first time.

Needless to say, I was outraged. I have never seen someone pull over in fear of merging. I looked in disgust at the vehicle, and that's when I realized I have had multiple experiences just like this with the Toyota Camry. It seems to be the target of dumb drivers.

Below is the picture I took as I drove away. You will see the business man, waving his hands about as though he forgot every bit of common sense he has ever learned. Also note the dunce hat. Toyota should have a promotion that includes a free hat with every purchase. It may just attract these people even more.

Flashback

2007-09-13T17:13:00.001-06:00

Good times.

Posted.

This is me over a year and a half ago. (Blondie)

When I see a camera inside a public bathroom, I realize this is not the norm and I now run.
In case you were wondering...

A poem I wrote

2007-09-10T12:11:00.001-06:00

I find myself in a valley dark

Stripped entirely
everything I've held
Entrapped are my belongings.

Thievery in this place that appears
I never thought I'd be recognized here.
Unlawful hollows set up home
And lay down sheets
sucking wounds for drought.
Television sports a quick cure
Feelings replaced by actors on screen
Plastic drama creates temporary relief
dreamers survive on disbelief.

My frozen insides
They cry for warmth again
So pour light onto my hands
My shriveled empty pockets
Begin to fill with media and air
Please pour light onto my hands.

They claim that life is set up this way
No meaning except to make room for toys
and hold them high above your head
There is no place for hearts or lungs
No need to breathe in air anymore
if there is money in your palm
Possession turns our sorrows numb.
Mirrors are the key to success
Attraction is the word of the day
Eyes wander elusively
cutting up strings
ripping from the fingers
of those attached at the ends.

My frozen insides
They cry for warmth again
So pour light onto my hands
My shriveled empty pockets
Begin to fill with media and air
Please pour light onto my hands.

I am not the one in need of medication
The world traded in its chastity

I am not the one in need of medication
The innocence life had to give was taken from me.

I pull my limbs out of dirt
to face the reality
I thought I had one glimmer left
It's all been replaced by greed.

-Kylee Wilkins

Meet the Wilkins

2007-08-08T17:11:00.003-06:00

I'm a Mrs. I have a Mr.

I married my best friend.
Or am I playing house?

Gratitude

2007-07-27T12:08:00.001-06:00

A brand new town home awaits us in Herriman.

Our beautiful wedding will be August. 3rd.
So simple yet everything we had hoped for.

Oh, and It's a boy!!!

And to top it all off, a honeymoon in The LUXOR Spa Suite in Vegas.

He popped the question

2007-07-11T17:22:00.001-06:00

Eureka, Utah
abandoned church
empty buildings
tumbleweeds.

It was one year
four months &11 days
since we were here.
Where we first fell in love.

A picnic with mac&cheese
on a portable tiny stove.
Our first food together.

He takes my hand
and shows me a ring
and I give him an answer.

We're engaged! :)

12 Week Appointment

2007-05-30T14:13:00.001-06:00

I laid down as the nurse listened for a heartbeat.
Through the monitor we heard WISHOO repeating rapidly.
The nurse: "There's your baby!"
Dennis sped from Salt Lake City.
When he arrived, she looked for the heart beat again.
I watched his face light up.
He squeezed my hand.
That's our baby.

What a Day.

2007-05-29T13:03:00.002-06:00

Dennis (who is my love and my baby's daddy) and I went to the batting cages today to play some serious ball. :) I ended up hitting many in the fastball cage but not even one in the slowpitch. Dennis found this hilarious. We bought some TAB at Ream's. Afterwards, we sat for a showing of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

Here are a few good moments of ours...

A conversation:
Me: "They all look alike."
Dennis: "Who, black people?"
Me: "No, this store!"
Dennis: "Oh. I was going to say, black people don't look alike, Asians do."
(This being loudly announced as we passed a large group of Asians.)

What Dennis randomly said to a dog in a parked car.
"You are such a good dog. If I had a tinfoil dinner I would give it to you right now!"

He picked me up in his arms and ran to the car.

.

The two trips we made to Mcdonald's. Dennis wasn't satisfied with the first hamburger! I'll never forget the hideous shrek toy in my kid's meal.

Dennis swung me around while kissing me. My back popped so loud it sounded like bubble wrap. Dennis smiled and said, "You're welcome."

My favorite part of all was watching him walk away from my porch and turn around once more to smile before getting in his car to drive home.